Saturday, December 24, 2011

Un conventional

It is Christmas eve and I've spent a big part of my day sleeping. I have a sore throat, annoying headache and general body pain. I went to bed at about 2:00am, didn't have enough sleep because i sort of awoke with a fever. Not much is happening today, not the usual Christmas eve. but what is the usual? i wonder. i haven't done anything the whole day i wish i could go out, but at the same time i am weak and tired and can't think of any where i could go that would make me feel better. Facebook is kind of inactive,my friends don't seem to be online, so i logged out and logged back in. I know by his stripes I am healed,just awaiting for manifestation. Christmas is an amazing time of year, i especially love the fact that i have a lot of family around me. I think i need music therapy,as in some good music feeding my soul or maybe i need a DJ fix,as in some amazing mix but the slow kind,or the Christmas kind, worship. or maybe i just need some time alone with my father,God. Too many people around me, i need some quiet time. I'm going to get away,even if its just for a few minutes.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Truth be told

I used to be so totally honest on my blog because I thought no one paid any attention to it. It was like my other journal. I'd say the things I want to tell but scared to speak up. I'm a bit skeptical now,shy to be exact. I'm about to stop giving out my url because the blog reveals a side of me many rarely notice. So there is a certain joy in my life. The first half of this year was kind of rough and confusing for me. The last part however couldn't have been better. Something happened at camp. I met God but I also met people. So i have been discovering new things about God,myself and these people. There are many special ones but there is also a particular one. Yes it is a he. I cant describe him really. Even thinking about him right now has got my heart all up in knots and a smile playing at my lips. A special kind of person,i spent 8 days at camp and the only two times I wrote in my journal was about him.There is just something about him, I have been drawn to him straight from the start. I am not dreaming babies and weddings,no. It is just that,he inspires me alot. The funny thing is there is nothing I find as endearing as his imperfections.I think about him A LOT.Of course I cant help but wonder if he thinks of me ever. I love being around him. I don't get butterflies or shortness of breath and amazingly at times around him I lose my words so i can be more quiet than usual. It is just a sweet feeling of contentment and appreciation for the person on the inside. Just because i know him a and get to talk to him every once in a while,my life feels so enriched. Does it make any sense? to me,most often not. There is a line in Brooke Fraser's "the thief", which says "you're breaking into my heart and I'm letting you". Some days I feel like that. So I smile and not ask why,I'm living in the moment and enjoying it, a lot!