She went home continuing with smiling faces and pleasntries assuring every one that she was fine; most didn't even notice that her countenance had changed.
"I am fine" she whispered to herself as she walked in the dark, " I have to be fine."
She did not feel like talking tonight, she just wanted to go to bed so that this day would also come to an end. She just wanted to move on. He had said he would call, so she waited. She anticipated that it would be wierd; "he is goiing to ask me questions I will not want to answer and it will be strange" she thought. Before the thought was even fully formed in her mind, the phone rang and it was him. She picked, filled with a mixture of joy and just a tinge of dread, someone cared enough to do a follow up check but oh how she hated discussing her feelings.
He started with a joke, making her feel at ease, then things became serious. He wasn't asking questions, he said he would talk and all she had to do was listen then afterwards they would pray together, he would pray for her. Straight from the very first sentence her heart started melting, how did he know what to say. She tried to be strong, fighting back tears, choosing to not be vulnerable before a man, it never ends well.
He spoke and gave her heart voice, saying all those things she had been feeling but knowing no one would understand, no one would want to hear. The love in his voice nested her heart, drew her out and told her it was ok and never ever stopped pointing her to HIM,
"God loves you," He said over and over again. Finally, she gave in, she let the tears roll down her face, her voice breaking and sniffs could be heard over the phone.
That is when it happened, she heard him cry, saying his heart was breaking because he could feel the depth of her pain as if it was his own. He cried with her and to her that beat anything any one else could say. They have to top that! He prayed for her then encouraged her to pray as well, saying
"I just want you to know that I am here to pray with you and agree with you, to help carry your burden. you are not alone."
Tearful and unafraid, she let it all out to God even as her friend listened and held her hand through the phone, held her heart...
Going to bed after, her entire being was in awe of the man who cried because he felt her pain. That man who hugged her right before they left already seeing the pain she was trying to make little of. No, she was not falling, he had just held her hand and kept her from falling. She was appreciating, the man who shared her tears.
